It's been a while since I've posted and it's because things have felt fairly normal. And because I've felt "normal," I've also become very busy. That's been nice. But now I face a setback. My current chemo drug is doing weird things to my body and I'm realizing that I have to take things easy. I can't push myself to my limit... especially if I don't know what my limit is. That is very frustrating.
One of the lessons I learned early on when I started my treatment was that I need to relinquish control. That is not an easy thing to learn if you're a control freak like me. But I had to learn how to do it because for the longest time while I learned about the cancer I had and how to fight it, there was very little I had control over. As the days went on, tests came back, meetings with doctors were held, I started to gain more and more control. I started to figure out my limits, my boundaries; and within those limits I could push myself as far as I could go. Recently though, I've been lulled into a false sense of normalcy. Like when my life seemed to have no limits or boundaries. I fell for that... hook, line, and sinker.
So I'm learning the lesson all over again... I don't have limitless boundaries. I don't have ultimate control. Most importantly, I have to listen to my body. It has its limitations. It has its boundaries. I can control it, only up to the point it wants to and is willing to be controlled. I'm in it for the long haul, and I've got to make sure I make it to the very end of whatever life has in store for me.
