Monday, January 28, 2013

Plateau

Two years ago - give or take a day - I had my head shaved. With five months of chemo ahead of me, 33 radiation treatments, and one oophorectomy, this mountain I was going to conquer looked awfully steep.

I swore to myself that in a year or two I would be writing a post about how I had reached the plateau on my climb up my mountain. I would finally be at that place where treatment was behind me and reconstruction was ahead of me. And here I am, sitting here with an amazing view, feet dangling over the side of my ledge. I'm so high up I can barely remember what it looked like at the bottom of my abyss. Up here, the sky is clear, the sun is bright, the world is before me and if I look up, I can actually see the top of my mountain. That's my goal. To get there and go down the other side and live my life whole again. Whole physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Plateaus are a place to stop and rest - and for good reason: I'm exhausted! I can finally take time to marvel at the distance I've traveled and the challenges I've overcome. It's a place to look back at all the smiling, loving faces who have loved me, lifted me up and lit the way for me when I wanted to jump off a cliff. And lastly, it's a place to take stock of what really matters. That it's the journey, not the destination. Though for me it's been both. I can't wait to start back down. I can't wait to feel normal as normal for me can be.

I'm alive. I'm still here. It's really the only thing that matters. And I'll keep moving forward. Just like so many women before me. Thank you all for paving the way... I will forever owe my survival to you.

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