I'm Still Here

Today my friends and family met for a rainy day brunch to celebrate with me... "Tata to cancer!" It was blissfully perfect in every way. As Alyssa and I walked through the restaurant to the outdoor covered patio, I spied through the windows my friend Abby and her husband Eliot who was carrying their two year old, Ruby. Abby, who organized the brunch, was pulling a pink balloon out from a bunch she had brought and handed one to Ruby who smiled happily. Another friend, Joanne was standing nearby with her girls, Zoe and Zaya, and Alyssa ran to them and they started showing each other their umbrellas and giggling in the rain. I saw my friend Cicely talking with Alyssa's godparents, Jennifer and Adam and catching up. Work friends Judy and Abby C. chatted away with Dennis' cousin, Gene and girlfriend, Marie. Friends Jordan and Joanna, carrying their one year old, Penelope were greeting Dennis who had walked in after me. Then Katya, Dennis' aunt arrived with son Misha who went looking for Alyssa. And friends Becky, Andre and daughter Harper came in to drop off flowers and give me hugs. There was a lot of food, a lot of laughter, a lot of kids running around, and a lot of light drizzling rain. So normal, so perfect.

Every day further away from November 24, 2010 is another day I'm still here. In the first days since hearing my diagnosis I couldn't picture my future. I was frozen and couldn't imagine the days that lay ahead of me. I wasn't sure I would still be around. On a cool, misty September day -- lazy, gray, and full of love almost three years later, I am grateful beyond words that I'm still here.

I am grateful to have seen friends' babies come into this world, friends and family's children celebrate birthday after birthday, relationships blossom, careers flux and flourish, friendships grow deeper, sunrises, sunsets, clouds move across the sky, and seasons change. Some days have been better than others. But no matter how hard it's been, I have been blessed to have been so loved, so cared for, and supported by all of you who have stood by me to make sure that I'm still here. Today it's easy for me to see my future: the days ahead are filled with you.


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